so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
