It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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