I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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