I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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