I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
