He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
