think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
