so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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