You can't motorboat a personality
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
