I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
