I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
