Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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