WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
