Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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