If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
