Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
