Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
