that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
