Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
