have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
