In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
