So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
