If that was your dad, he is hot
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
