i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
