I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
