k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
