I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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