my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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