dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
