Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
