I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The air taste purple.
Randomize