I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize