the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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