Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
