I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize