apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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