i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
