So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize