When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
