i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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