and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
