My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
