woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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