Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
