I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
