I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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