Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
