I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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