it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
