I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
