my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
