I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Randomize
