he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
