Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize