Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
