I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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