saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
