watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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