I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
