saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
