i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
