If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
