It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
