There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
