I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
