Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
