I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
