I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
