quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
