I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's rum buckets o'clock
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize