Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
