i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
