I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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