I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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