Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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