I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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