Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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