During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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